Same-sex attraction to those who experience it feels like a natural instinct. Indeed, global statistics show at least 2% of the male population and 1% of the female population primarily experience same-sex-only attraction; their compass points in that direction. Even more so, 5-6% of the population experiences mixed attraction. For example, they may experience primarily heterosexual attraction but, on occasion, experience same-sex attraction towards a particular person.

The question becomes, what does the religious community do with that reality, and how does Christianity continue to teach that it’s morally wrong if same-sex attraction appears to be an innate desire? These are interesting questions. My intention is to help Christians who desire to walk out their faith and follow the teachings of Jesus but don’t know whether to give in to same-sex attraction as something innate and God-given or resist it as an impulse of the corrupted human nature.

Attraction v. Behavior

Often, those who struggle with same-sex attraction within church communities feel a range of emotions, such as confusion about why they struggle with this, embarrassment, fear of exposure, isolation from others, anger towards God, or frustration that he hasn’t changed them. Strugglers need to be reassured; God doesn’t think you are dirty or less valuable. He loves you. He knows you, and he already knows your struggle. You are precious to him. You are his child. God is present with you in this struggle if you invite him to walk with you. You will need a trustworthy community that provides safe relationships for you to be known, understood, and healed.

Nowhere in the Bible does God say that it’s a sin to experience same-sex attraction or temptation. Most people don’t choose same-sex temptation, just as no one chooses to feel angry, jealous, or tempted by drugs, porn, or adultery. The Bible even says Jesus experienced these temptations: “He was tempted in every way, just as we are, yet was without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Notice the difference between feeling temptation and acting upon it. Same-sex attraction is not a sin; the behavior of acting on homosexual desire through lust or relationship is what is sinful. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says,

"Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

We all start with a broken sin-nature and are predisposed to fail in specific areas. We all need the power of Jesus to live a life surrendered to his truths and not our impulses. The Bible teaches that all of humanity experiences a persistent orientation toward evil behavior and that this must be resisted. David admits in Psalm 51, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me” (v.5). Same-sex attraction is a predisposition, not a predetermination. Science has discovered genetic predispositions towards many things: alcoholism, depression, anxiety, anger/rage, and heart disease. We don’t tell those people—you were born that way, there’s no use fighting it. I love Sam Allberry's quote, “Desires for things God has forbidden are a reflection of how sin has distorted me, not how God has made me.” So, if you struggle with same-sex attraction, you are not unique in your brokenness; we are all broken and in need of a Savior. Believers don’t live according to culture’s opinions or their body's impulses; they walk surrendered to the Spirit of Truth.

Gay Identity v. Identity in Christ

Over the past three decades, Western culture has basically bought into the notion that if you experience same-sex attraction, then you must be gay. The Gay Identity says, “This is who I am,” and is built on two false assumptions. First—"I was born this way.” Second—"I can’t change.”

Ironically, neither of those statements are scientifically true. “I was born this way” is an emotional statement. Science has thus far shown there is no “gay gene”[1] that gets biologically passed down. Some people may have a predisposition towards same-sex attraction, but a predisposition is not a predetermined script that you must slavishly follow. Homosexuality is a choice of expression and not a category of person. Indeed, the new “queer” research shows that sexuality is composed of fluid choices and attractions and not a rigid identity at all—exactly the opposite of what has been argued in popular culture.

There is a lot of evidence that indicates that same-sex attraction is a combination of developmental factors.[2]

Joe Dallas, who came out of a homosexual lifestyle, discusses a consistent pattern that the development of male same-sex attraction follows. He concludes, “Most theorists agree that, whatever the cause of homosexuality, its development begins early, long before a child is able to actively choose or reject it.”[3] These contribute to the illusion of inherited sexual orientation.

Here are a few contributing factors to its development:

• Biological predisposition
• Experimentation
• Gender stereotypes
• Constant teasing and bullying
• Disconnect with father
• Female disconnect with mother
• Lack of healthy boundaries
• Sexual abuse trauma
• Broken identity
• Exposure to gay porn

Awareness of these helps us understand where we’ve come from but does not negate our power to choose. Could you imagine a person with anorexia or a drug addiction making this statement: “I can’t change.”  Imagine how debilitating that is to their health and growth as a person. An addiction is a neurochemical predisposition to fail in a particular pattern. Porn, over-the-counter medication, bulimia/anorexia, drugs, and alcohol, each of these addictions can be broken through behavioral change that rewires the human brain.

For the person who struggles with same-sex attraction, change is absolutely possible. Science, scripture, and the real experiences of countless people demonstrate conclusively that our behaviors transform our neural pathways. [Another fantastic book of personal testimonies is Changed. You can find it and others here.]

You have the power to break unhealthy lies about the lack of affirmation you received, not fitting in, or where your source of value comes from. The aching desire to bond, to be close, and to feel accepted can be fulfilled in Jesus. You can be healed by his soul-filling love and be transformed by embracing his liberating truths. “God wants the homosexual struggler to enter into the fullness of his love,” Andrew Comiskey testifies from his personal journey.[4]

What is the goal? Is Change Possible?

Change exists on a spectrum. From his experience working with thousands of strugglers, Joe Dallas concludes that you can hope to see a change in the frequency and intensity of homosexual attractions. As with most sinful patterns, healing is not measured in days but in months and years. Homosexuality is not a spirit you cast out of a person; it is the human heart and mind being healed from real pain or trauma and being reshaped in Christ’s love. There are intentional steps the struggler needs to take. We discuss this further, as well as the scriptural texts and the emotional development of same-sex longing, in our 2-hour Seminar on Same-sex Attraction.

At its core, homosexuality is an attempt to meet legitimate emotional needs in ways that are outside of God’s good plans. Some of those needs include seeking comfort, sexual pleasure, emotional need for closeness, finding security or protection, and identification with other people of the same sex. It takes time and commitment to walk out that journey. The goal is to help people reorganize their needs and connect more deeply to Jesus and others in healthy ways and not in ways that sexualize our emotional longings.

Ricky Challette from Living Hope Ministries says, “The definition of healing is not the absence of struggle rather the presence of struggle with the ability to choose Christ.” The goal is not to stop feeling same-sex attraction; that is beyond your control. We can invite Jesus into our journey and ask him to lead us.

If you struggle with same-sex attraction, Jesus loves you and already knows your struggle; you don’t have to hide it from him. Homosexuality is not alien, and you are not gross or unworthy. It’s just another expression of human brokenness, and you can experience the power and the freedom to not participate in it. You are going to need trustworthy Christian relationships to help you heal. It is going to take honesty to face your internal soul needs and really ask hard questions, but I promise you the blessings that come from depending on God more deeply and walking in his good plans are worth it.

Other Resources: Check out our page of recommended resources that will help connect you to ministries, books, and other materials on gender and sexuality.

[1] i.e. Paul McHugh from Johns Hopkins and Francis Collins from the Human Genome Project
[2] To watch a fantastic lecture from a Christian perspective on the development of male same-sex attraction go to  www.livehope.org/courshttps://www.livehope.org/course/understanding-gender-development-homosexuality-males/e/
[3] Dallas, Desires in Conflict, 99.
[4] Comiskey, Pursuing Sexual Wholeness, 39.