Surrender on Kari Lane

Kari Lane. It’s still called that today. The gravel lane leading up to Tracy’s (my wife’s) parents’ house is still called Kari Lane today. We would drive up that lane every time we visited their small home in Montgomery, PA. Bumpy. That’s what I remember. It was bumpy. The gravel was constantly washed out by the rain, exposing potholes too large and numerous to dodge. In the past, potholes were familiar friends that announced our arrival, mostly during holiday visits, long weekends, and vacations. If Tracy had fallen asleep as I drove, those bumps would faithfully wake her from her sleep. We kind of liked them in a way; they announced that we had made it home. Family, fun, and mom’s amazing cooking were just around the bend.

This day was different, however. It wasn’t just the road that was bumpy. It was me. It was my life and my calling that were getting jostled all around. Tracy and I had just finished college. Our searching and interviewing for jobs as a youth pastor had turned into searching and interviewing for any job. The search had led us to move to Tracy’s hometown of Montgomery, just up the street from Kari Lane. It was a town with no traffic lights and even fewer jobs, it seemed. We had worked at a summer program, but now that the summer was over, so was the program. So I began working for her dad in construction. My lack of knowledge and experience severely limited what I could do, so I spent my days trying to be as helpful as possible, but honestly, I mostly felt in the way. 

This day was particularly special. We were working on a rancher. The project involved removing the roof and constructing a second floor. Surprised to find that the attic was filled with blown insulation, we had to bag it all up and trash it; probably the only thing I was qualified to do on the job site. That became my job. Did I mention it was August? I spent a week filling trash bags with insulation in a ninety-degree attic. Hot. All covered in sweat and fiberglass.

To be clear, this bumpy drive up Kari Lane wasn’t memorable because of the insulation, or the heat and sweat. It wasn’t just being covered in dirt, dust, and weariness. It wasn’t even feeling like my father-in-law was putting up with me on the job site, giving me a handout, although all of those things were true. It was the years of my life I had spent waiting to be a youth pastor. I wanted to preach, to have a group of people that God had prepared just for Tracy and me, a group we were called to. I could already visualize the games we would play, events we’d host, and kids coming to Christ. It was something I was actually good at.

That day, going up Kari Lane, I broke. The bumps on the road tossed me side to side in the car until finally I stopped. Right there! In the middle of the lane, halfway between the street and the house. It was as if the road were a metaphor for my life. “Tossed” is how I felt—confused and disappointed. And I’m sure I wouldn’t have said this at the time, but I was also scared. I remember asking God, Why did you bring me here? Is this where you want me? Years of college preparing for ministry, all to be here, on Kari Lane? I paused after asking him my questions. Then I found these simple words coming out of my mouth. “If this is where you want me to be, then this is where I want to be, and if this is what you want me to do, I will do it. I trust that you know better than I do.”

It was there on Kari Lane that I handed over the hopes and dreams I had of ever doing ministry for Jesus. I genuinely let it go. I told the Lord, I know you know better. Maybe we need this. Maybe I need to start over and learn something new? Maybe my future children need to be raised here in a town where there is never the threat of running a red light. It was that simple. I surrendered. Although I should state for the record that just before saying “amen,” I added that if God allowed me to vote on it, I would prefer never working construction again, especially insulation.

Trusting in the Lord

Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Kari Lane taught me a lesson. Look to the Lord! It can be so easy to look at your current circumstances. Failures in school, marriage, relationships, business, broken hearts, and broken dreams are so easy to see that we can hardly see the Lord in them. Look to the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth, the one who formed you and whose loving eyes are on you. Look to the Lord who knows everything, who knows the plans he has for you, and knows the pathway forward. Look to the Lord. Look to his strength. Not only is the God we serve full of strength, but he also loves to use his strength to help his children.

Isaiah 40:28–31

This is the promise to his children, those who look to him and his strength, “he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” What an amazing and generous Father. Look to him. Look to him and his strength. When you search for him, you will find him if you seek him with all of your heart. When you find him, you will find everything you have needed for your soul.

Back on Kari Lane, I don’t remember if it was the next day or two days later that we received a call from a church in New Jersey that wanted to interview us for a youth pastor job. We went to the interview the following week, not expecting much. In fact, it turned out to be the first youth group we ever pastored. I have often thought that, despite all my education and training, I wasn’t ready to pastor until I passed my final test—total surrender. Relying on the Lord and no longer looking to myself and my strength was the key to success.

I find it so interesting that 1 Chronicles 16:11 ends with the phrase “seek his face.” God told Moses, “You may not see my face, or you will die,” and yet this verse tells us to seek his face (Exodus 33:20). God makes himself intimately available to us. Our experiences with authority figures, such as parents, bosses, or pastors, can lead us to assume that God is too busy or unavailable. Scripture teaches us something vastly different. Seek his face. Seek to know him personally. When you do, you will find him to be more available, accessible, and attentive than you have ever thought.

I don’t know how bumpy things are for you right now. Perhaps life feels a lot like Kari Lane. Let this story be a gentle reminder: Look to the Lord. Look to his strength and seek his face always.

Tags: vision, jesus, trust, hope, calling, surrender, promises, seek