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Unity, Not Conformity

by Brian Flewelling on April 27, 2021

Ephesians 4:3, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

We are called to unity, not conformity.

Notice that the call is for unity and not conformity. The call is to mutual honor as we arrive at a solution together. The goal is not to win arguments, or suppress alternatives. Similarly, marriages are developed through the dynamic collaboration of two people, not the overbearing domination of one person. Or the absence or passivity of one person. Conformity is the suppression of individuality. Unity is the celebration of individuality in concert with each other. Sometimes the decision goes my way. But often times, after listening to others, I have to value their contribution to the conversation and make sacrifices that honor their input.

Dialogue is the free flow of meaning between two or more people…When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open” from the book, Crucial Conversations).

In relationships and community, love is just as concerned with the quality of our processes as it is concerned with the outcomes of our decisions. Each person on the team has unique value, and adds an invaluable perspective. Creating safe spaces where people can express their feelings, provide information, and share their opinions or assessments without fear of judgment or abandonment is vital to being the family of God. We are called to unity, not conformity.

The Bride of Christ is in fact an entire community operating in love and concert together. Our goals are to discern how Jesus is leading all of us through his Spirit; listen to one another and make wise decisions; and honor one another in the process of reaching our mission together.


A Few Examples

Let’s consider an example. In a school building, the teacher has a different set of skills than the administrator that sits at the front desk, or the principle that manages the operations, or the superintendent that oversees the entire district. Awareness of facilities, budget, parental concerns, human development, cultural trends, and government regulations all become a factor in decision making. One person can’t possibly know everything and wisely decide how to operate the complex needs of an entire school district.

Now imagine it’s your church. The pastor says we could use that extra money in the budget to care for people. And the evangelist says, we could use that extra money in the budget to reach more people for Jesus. Who is right?

Now imagine it’s your family. Mom says, we could use the extra money for a much-needed family vacation, and Dad says, we need to save up to buy a new car for our 16 year-old. Yikes.  Who is right?

A few helpful questions for your consideration

  1. Does Jesus have something to say about this?
  2. Has everyone involved been given the space to speak openly and honestly?
  3. Have I been completely honest and added my own valuable opinion?
  4. Does anyone possess the clear line of authority to make the decision?
  5. Are both Truth and Love both being fully expressed in this process?

The Christian worldview begins with the reality of a loving God. His truths are the foundation for everything we believe and the way we engage in the world around us. He desires for us to love him firstly and express our love for him by loving others. And nowhere is that love expressed or suppressed more than in our conversations.

We can mold this world into the shape of God’s kingdom by learning to have open, honest, and self-sacrificial conversations with our children, spouses, customers, politicians, school board members, and business partners.

 

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