“God is not angry with you and waiting to punish you. He knows your humanity, your mess, and he patiently stoops down into it.” – Pastor Brian Coles

“The enemy is rabid for your destruction,” states author Jared C. Wilson. The biggest “destruction scheme” I can think of is to block us from knowing God and being known by him which causes us to turn to the rigidity of religion, rather than the freedom of relationship. Even if this isn’t news to most of us, it is something we tend to forget. We mindlessly fall into patterns and behaviors that cause us to drift away from knowing God as our faithful, compassionate Father. Instead, he can appear “distant” or “demanding,” like a taskmaster.

The good news is, Scripture portrays God as exactly opposite of oppressive, distant, angry, disappointed, or waiting to smite you if you make a mistake. Just think of the books of Jonah, Hosea, and the Psalms; David describes how merciful and good God is. Even when God disciplines his children in the old testament, he does so as a compassionate Father (Deuteronomy 8:5). Wouldn’t we call it neglect if we didn’t correct our own children? God is always supplying hope and restoration to the Israelites, bringing them back to himself. Think of Father God sending his only Son—whom he loved—to live as a human, to get mistreated and die a sinner’s death on our behalf. If we dive into God’s word we see his gentle, loving, and protective nature revealed.

Broken Views of God

Then how did we fall into religion rather than relationship? If God is kind and slow to anger, why is friendship with God something we struggle to believe? In our broken, fallen world, sin and shame taint every single relationship (Genesis 3). It’s incredibly easy for us to misrepresent God because, as Pastor Brian observed, it flows out of our broken nature to do so. For many of us, it’s more predictable and comfortable to follow rules than to receive messy mercy and give it to others.

Each one of us has a personal history that has impacted how we perceive God. Our view of him has been uniquely distorted. All of us have core wounds because of our disconnection from perfect love. From those wounds flow an unhealthy narrative, behaviors and attitudes, and judgements or expectations we have about the way people are, the way we should be, or the way we expect God to act. As an example, let’s look at Jack Frost’s life story; it might go something like this:

Jack Frost’s Life Example:

• Core Wound: Constant rejection from his biological father.
• Lie from Wound: “I will never measure up; I have to perform perfecting to earn approval and love.”
• Vows: “I will never let myself fail” or “I always have to strive.”
• Behaviors, Attitudes, Outcomes: Perfectionism, Achievement instead of rest, Anxious in failures, False identity, Emotionally disconnected, etc.
• Judgements (expectations on self, others, and God)

Self - I am only accepted and loved if I am successful.
Others - Others will only like me if I am successful.
God - God is demanding, God is disappointed with me.

One can only imagine how these wounds, lies, and behaviors damage our relationships with the people around us: spouse, children, friends, and especially God. Why would you want relationship with a God whom you expect to be disappointed and displeased with you? Why would you express your emotions to a God you feel you’ve failed. This is the “destructive scheme” of the enemy to cut you off from relationship with God.

Your Healing Journey

Friend and fellow struggler, I’d like to invite you to identify some of your own core wounds and their domino effects. These typically come from your upbringings, your caregivers, family dynamics and friendships. The point isn’t to find people to blame; rather to reclaim what is rightfully yours as God’s loved child. As Diane Roberts says, “You can’t deal with the present unless you understand how you were dropped in the past.”

Take some time to pinpoint central themes in your life. Here are a few:

• Did you feel abandoned (unlovable, unimportant)? 
• Did you feel betrayed or misunderstood (unworthy, not good enough)?
• Are you a survivor of abuse (not in control, not safe)?
• Did you feel rejected (have to be perfect, identity and worth in achievement)?

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any core wounds you may have, how they developed, the lies, and the outcome of those lies. But don’t stop there. Find someone you trust, a mentor, a friend, a counselor you can talk to. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “we do God’s work for our brothers and sisters when we learn to listen to them.” Sometimes that means we need people to listen to us, pray with us, and really disrupt our negative views of God.

I’d also like to invite you to talk to God today—pray to him out loud. When we see God as distant or demanding, we inadvertently try to provide for our own needs. We become our own gods by becoming self-sufficient, protective, or people-pleasing. We should repent, release control, and ask God to meet our needs. That is how we come to know God and be intimately known by Him. That is how we experience true freedom.

Prayer and Freedom

A prayer might sound like this:

“God, I’m sorry for the ways I’ve sought to be self-sufficient, for believing that I can’t come to you or trust you. I release the need to control, to please others, to achieve, to be right, or to____(fill in the blank)___. I ask for and want your healing in___(fill in the blank)____. I need to know you are present with me. Help me to find freedom from ___(fill in the blank)____.”

When we heal and receive the Father Heart of God we can experience:

• intimacy with God
• strength and perseverance in adversity
• wisdom and insight
• peace and joy from restlessness
• victory and liberty over temptation and bondage
• acceptance when faced with rejection
• grace to forgive when offended or hurt
• salvation and sanctification as God intended
• worship in a whole new dimension
(ex. From Bishop Henry Buckwalter).

Who doesn’t want that? I leave you with the blessing Father God gives to his children. “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).

Going Deeper:
Here are a few additional resources for your consideration.

• Book: The Search for Significance by Robert McGee.
• Book: The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson
• Website: Understanding Your Core Pain and False Self. https://intuitivecreativity.typepad.com/expressiveartinspirations/2014/07/understanding-your-core-pain-and-false-self.html
  (Not a Christian resource, but from a therapist).

References

• Bishop Henry Buckwalter. Recognize, Receive and Release the Father Heart of God. https://www.harvestfellowshipofchurches.org/hp_wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Teaching-Teacher-Father-Heart-of-God.pdf
• Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community.
• Diane Roberts. Pure Desire Ministry.
• Jared. C. Wilson. The Gospel According to Satan: Eight Lies that Sound Like the Truth.

Tags: freedom, healing, relationships, relationship with god, vows, lies, wounds, father god, behaviors