Navigating the digital world is increasingly difficult for parents who may feel overwhelmed by its complexity or encroachment into all areas of life. As you send your children back to school this Fall, interacting with their friends digitally or using digital resources is sure to be a reality. We wanted to give you some key principles to help your children make wise decisions for themselves.
Start With the End in Mind
Whether you like it or not, we live in the brave new digitally connected world. AI is only going to heighten the changes to our daily lives and workspaces. So, interacting with digital spaces cannot be avoided. As a parent, it is appropriate for you to help them set healthy boundaries. The goal is not to shield your children from tech but to help them develop a healthy relationship with digital technology so that when they are grown, they make healthy decisions for themselves. Deuteronomy 6:7 describes a parental involvement that actively trains children in the ways of God, “Impress (these commands) on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you rise up.”
Parents Need to Model
If you’re going to set boundaries for your children, they need to see that you also set boundaries for yourself. Are you always on your phone, gaming, or watching TV? Or do you have healthy time limitations? Do you comb through the reels without any filter, or do you have accountability and boundaries to keep you from digesting unhealthy content? If you’re going to tell your children they can’t have their phones in the bathroom or after a certain hour at night—and I think that’s healthy—then that may be a standard you need to model.
Parents Need to Interact With Their Children in Digital Spaces
Children need to participate with their parents as you interact with digital tech in useful and helpful ways. Involve your kids in finding a creative idea on Pinterest or Instagram, or maybe searching for a recipe on a browser, replaying that funny YouTube video you watched the night before that gets everyone laughing, or, yes, searching for information for a report. It’s good to demonstrate curiosity and the benefits of searchable information.
Be mindful of Quantity and Quality
The studies show that quantity of time is a factor. As screen time increases in a child’s life, the ability for a child to concentrate and focus decreases. Less is almost always better. For teenagers—if you even allow them to have social media—setting clear time limits and parameters is essential to help them learn how to stop. Games and social media apps are created to be addictive. It’s hard as a parent to always be the shut-off switch for your kids, but they need a mature voice in their lives to set limits.
Quality is also vital. My eight-year-old can play Mario Kart, but he’s not allowed to play Halo. My teenager has Facebook Messenger, but she doesn’t have Snapchat or Instagram. Not all apps are created equal. Many games are very realistic—and graphic. You have to discern what is healthy and acceptable to you and your family. The key principle is this: we don’t leave our Faith behind when we’re on tech. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
Help Your Children Detect the Dangers
Parents, be aware without being afraid. We can prepare our children with practical tools to help them stay safe from sexual solicitations or graphic content.
Puresite reports, “One in five U.S. teenagers who regularly log on to the Internet says they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the Web.”[1] That’s astonishing. In his very inciteful article on “Tricky People—Stranger Danger in the Digital Age,” Chris McKenna writes, “Every kid who spends time online is at risk of being approached by a sexual predator and should therefore know exactly what to do if it happens.”[2] He also provides a very practical list of words and things these people say to groom kids and teens. Chat features, IM, or friend requests can all be ways that strangers have access to you or your children.
It's also good to discuss the difference between good and bad pictures with your kids and teens. Porn and sexualized imagery is everywhere. For heaven’s sake, it’s on my weather app in the advertisements. Teens need help avoiding, identifying, or distancing from graphic images.
Invite Them Into Conversations
If you’re like me, I feel like we’re just figuring this stuff out on the fly. With my oldest daughter having turned 14 years old, I’ve never been here before. As a society, we’ve never been here before. Some wise counselors gave us this advice: involve the teenagers in helping set their own boundaries; any rules they help create are rules they are more likely to follow. Again, the ultimate goal is for them to have a spirit of “self-control.” We want them to do what is right and not rebel from parental rules they don’t embrace for themselves.
Additional Resource
If you’re looking for more resources or someone who can help you discern which apps are safe and which to avoid, Protect Young Eyes has helped our church navigate these issues. Their website, https://protectyoungeyes.com/, provides all kinds of handy information, and they are also available to teach seminars for parents as well. Listen to their language:
“Delaying” social media doesn’t mean bubble-wrapping our kids and preventing them from using ANY technology. PYE is a pro-kid, pro-tech, but PROTECT organization. “Delay” doesn’t mean NO TECH, but rather, SLOW TECH.
As parents, we don’t have to fear the digital age, but we do have to be alert and assertive. Think of it as an opportunity to walk more closely with your children in understanding their faith and protecting the preciousness of innocence for themselves.
[1] https://www.puresight.com/case_studies/online-predators-statistics/
[2] https://protectyoungeyes.com/tricky-people-stranger-danger-in-the-digital-age/
