“I don’t know what I want to do with my life,” she said worriedly. A common refrain among teenagers staring into the oncoming traffic of life.
And how do I tell her, “I know some 40 year-olds still struggling to figure that one out—it’s a process?” That’s a little deflating don’t you think?
We continued to chat it up in the lobby, but behind her smile I could sense her unease at my conversational inquiries, as if I had exposed a hidden sin—everyone else has figured out life except me. I dropped the matter.
It’s a tough season of life. It goes without saying that to be a teenager, or to raise a teenager feels more chaotic than ever: the confusion of worldviews in school and on main street; constant messaging; technology; the rapidly changing marketplace; the dissolving stability and support at home; the lack of any trust in institutions that once provided guardrails for people; the pressure to become someone memorable, make a difference, be a world changer. These things stack up. No wonder there’s such anxiety.
So how do you help your nieces, your sons, the teenagers in your church’s youth group? How do we help them find their path to purpose—their personal path? No one can tell them, they have to discover it for themselves. But we can ask the right questions. We can point them in the right directions. We can be the caring and listening ear that enjoys their company and walks along side of them and really takes interest in them. Here are a few directions we can point them in.
1. Reach upward!
A purposeful life isn’t built on finding your purpose, it’s built on finding God’s purpose and joining him in his epic story. We learn how valuable God is, and how valuable each of us are to him. This is the first and ultimate relationship in life that gives meaning to all things. So above all else, pursue God, and seek him. He is your loving Father and will fully reveal life’s secrets in their proper time.
Your purpose isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. God wants to share life with you, and wants you to share your life with him. I love the beautiful picture of Adam and Eve making the garden beautiful and enjoying the Spirit of the Lord as he came to visit them in the cool of the day. There it is. Enjoy the Lord. Enjoy your labors in the Lord. That’s meaningful.
2. Reach outward!
Develop empathy. Don’t get lost in your own sufferings or in building your own empire. Don’t get lost in how big or small you are, or in what other people are or are not doing. Look through the eyes of compassion, not comparison. Look for the heavy loads other people are carrying and help them carry it.
Where are the holes in the world, the places where the world doesn’t look like it’s supposed to? Is there a particular gift God has given you to be a solution to those problems? Look for the tires you can patch and relationships you can heal. Look for the one person you can help, or the one problem you can fix, or the one service you can offer, the technology you can create. It doesn’t have to be big. Win small. Learn to be satisfied with normal. Most of life is normal. Reputations are built through the steady accumulation of small wins over a long period of time. Enjoy the journey.
3. Reach inward!
Our culture teaches us narcissism and self-satisfaction. Instead, try perfecting love. Perfect gratitude, patience, self-sacrifice, virtue, kindness, truth, and determination. Your character and integrity is the greatest gift you have to offer the world. It’s the eternal part of you. It’s the part God cares most about. Everything you do is purified or putrefied by your character. Your job will change multiple times in your life. You’ll find new hobbies and new skills. You’ll move to a different part of the world and serve a different community. But you will bring your character with you wherever you go.
What load is too heavy for you to carry on your own strength? Where is your heart broken and unfixable? Ask Jesus to be your strength when you aren’t loving enough or disciplined enough. Move quickly past the “I’m a great sinner part” and dwell on the “Christ is a great savior” part. He is in me. He is empowering me.
4. Reach forward!
Finding your purpose in life is a process. You don’t need to know everything at the beginning. Sometimes our life purpose evolves. Some people find their life purpose in their career and follow that career for 50 years. They are unique. Many people just have to take a first step not knowing entirely where they are headed. For many of us, calling has evolved over time. We stumbled into this job. We had that terrifying experience. We served in this ministry. We have a passion for that people group. In each of these we evolve as we give to others. It’s a tortuous journey. But remember, it’s a journey you get to take with your heavenly Father; he will not abandon you. Keep inviting him to guide you on the path, and learn to find satisfaction where you are, even as you are constantly looking to where you want to go.
5. Reach backward!
Even teenagers can reach backwards to those younger than themselves: the children in your local church, or the grade schoolers in the after-school program down the street. We spend the first third of our life growing up. Then we spend the next third of our life raising up. We have children of our own. We train others, and not always because it feels meaningful to us. No, it really has very little to do with us. This time we serve the children because they need fathers and mothers and mentors. This time we serve not because it serves our purpose, but because it serves their purpose. This time, our love is perfected when we give back for no reward or reasons of our own, but simply to bless others.
Take a deep breath. Life is a journey. The Lord wants to share this journey with you. He wants to fill your life with meaning and value. But we have to take our eyes off of ourselves and jump into God’s epic story with him.
Tags: purpose; career; meaning
