“Just do it” captures the contemporary motto of American society towards sex and sexual expression. In this view, you don’t need to be married to have sex, and sex is a bodily pleasure you shouldn’t neglect. Two people can satisfy each other with no attachments or commitments. A 2023 study, for example, found that 32% of high school students reported having had sex at least once in their lifetime.
Free sex with no strings attached is not a new way of thinking. In the Corinthian church, some of the people were still spouting Epicurean Greek slogans that endorsed the view that people needed to satisfy their sexual cravings in the same way their stomach needed food. Paul quotes the people’s argument, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both” (1 Corinthians 6:13). But then Paul corrects their misguided argument, “The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (v.13). The body, it turns out, is not just a meat machine with needs that demand satisfaction. Your body is deeply connected to your spiritual, social, and emotional realities as well.
Thoughts from a Spiritual Father
Paul offers some further guidance that’s helpful for building a theology about sex and singlehood. It’s worth reading 1 Corinthians 6 at length,
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
Here is a short list of key insights we can gain from Paul’s input in this passage:
Ownership: You don’t own your body; Jesus owns your body. You don’t get to do whatever you want with it. Your body is used to honor and glorify your Creator and Redeemer (v. 18-19).
Body Temple: Your body is a meeting place and a room for the holy God to relate to you (v. 19). We should protect it as a sacred space set apart to our holy Lord.
Sex is Glue: The act of sex unifies you with other persons (v.16). Sex is not disconnected from the emotional and spiritual reservoir that you and the other person bring into this unifying act.
Sinful Sex: Toying with sexuality outside of marriage is not a personal choice offered to us. Illicit sex is still egregious to God, and He still calls it a sin (v.18).
In the following chapter, Paul continues his conversation about sexuality. He’s trying to provide parameters to people who are still behaving like followers of the culture instead of children being parented by God. Ultimately, he concludes,
An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
For Paul, singlehood was a gift. That gift enabled the person to focus their attention on “undivided devotion to the Lord” and “please the Lord.”
False Views of Sex
In 21st-century American culture, we have turned sexuality into the defining expression of who you are, as if your sexuality defines you. Read Carl Trueman’s The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self. That’s a woefully diminished view of personhood. Take my own experience as an example. By 22 years old I had traveled to five countries, lived in the Middle East, learned two foreign languages, served the poor in Haiti and Ecuador, helped build more than a couple houses, earned a degree, played sports at a collegiate level, became proficient in a musical instrument, was deeply involved in my church, and had forged some life-long memories and friendships—all before I ever had sex. Even so, and despite all of my contributions and experiences, the one thing the coworkers at my first job ridiculed me for was my choice not to have sex before marriage. To them, I was like a religious puritan walking out of the 16th century. The point is, for many people, they will live their entire lives fruitfully and abundantly single. Sex does not define them, and not having sex does not define them. They have not lived an inferior life because they haven’t had sex. The opposite is true: singlehood is a gift.
Sex is not an inalienable “right” guaranteed to all people. It is a selective gift given in marriage and for the purpose of uniting husband and wife. The ancient poetry, Song of Solomon, celebrates sexuality like no other book in the Bible.Yet the poet warns the listener three times, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (2:7; 3:5; 8:4). Sex is a fire lit under the hearth of a covenanted man and woman who have the potential to create a life and a family. For the single person, sexuality is something they have to surrender to the Lord. Maybe not forever, but at least for this season.
In an interesting sequence of directives, Paul encourages singles to remain single—because they thought Jesus was coming back any day now—“but if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). Paul recognized that sexual desire is powerful enough that some people may need to be married. He was not encouraging singles to settle for a second-rate spouse just to have sex. He was speaking to singles who were choosing to remain single because of the impending return of Jesus.
As we’ve discussed in previous blog posts, sexual orientation is also a false identity people embrace. Your deepest identity has nothing to do with sex, who you are attracted to, or how you choose to express your romantic feelings. Your deepest identity as a single person will not come from a prince charming, a lady in waiting, or having children. That’s not what makes you valuable. Your deepest attachment and source of “being loved” in this life comes from your heavenly Father and the affection He poured out on you through His Son, Jesus Christ, and His Holy Spirit. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” (John 15:9). Jesus Christ awakens our deepest love and defines all other attachments and identities.
Summary:
For those persons living in singlehood right now, here is a framework to help you reject our culture’s lies and view sexuality through God’s perspective. Sex doesn’t define you, and you are not incomplete without it. You don’t need sex to experience deep and emotionally satisfying friendships. Being loved and known by your Heavenly Father is what makes you valuable and gives you identity.
Singlehood is not a curse; it is a gift in this season of life that enables you to focus on the Lord and his purposes. Your body is wonderfully made and belongs to Jesus. You have the supreme privilege of offering it as a gift of worship to the Lord. Reserving yourself sexually for a future spouse is a powerful symbol of the Church setting herself apart for her groom in anticipation of the day when Jesus Christ comes back to dwell with us in eternal union. Offer your season of singleness to the Lord as a special gift to Him.
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