We have lots of reasons for avoiding commitment: we feel too busy; it makes us feel trapped; we don’t like limiting our options; painful experiences have taught us avoidance, so it becomes easier not to risk failure, vulnerability, or rejection. In our modern mobile culture it is easier than ever to keep moving, keep exploring, keep looking for “the next”. There is a trade-off to this lifestyle of living for the next and never settling down.
In the old world of trains and frontier we called these people drifters. They had no roots, no place to call home. Drifters don’t usually make a lasting impact. Drifters don’t usually form deeply resonant relationships. They are widely dispersed but not deeply impactful. In a culture of digital drifting we can still choose to cultivate a life of rootedness and commitment. Here’s why we should try.
- Fruit Trees Take Time to Grow
“You will surely eat what your hands have worked for. You will be happy, and it will go well for you” Psalms 128:2.
The reward of your hard work usually comes after you’ve invested a significant amount of time in the world, an organization, or a personal friendship. Imagine uprooting and replanting a tree every two years. Continually "moving on" can destroy our root system and support structure that gives us life. It takes years to nurture deep seated trust in relationships. And it takes many business cycles for managers and business leaders to regenerate their knowledge into investments that produce more efficient products and payouts. The world doesn’t transform over-night. The hydrologic cycle of observation, improvement, implementation, and perseverance is what creates transformation.
- Observation and Understanding
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight (Philippians 1:9)… to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” Ephesians 3:19.
A deeper, more intuitive understanding in any field of expertise doesn’t come after a year or three years, but after decades of practicing in your field. It’s interesting that many marriages never make it past the 7 year mark—just when a husband or wife have experienced the best and the worst of each other. At that 7 year hurdle we can cling to our entrenched grievances or resolve to reach a deeper level of empathy, forgiveness, and collaboration. We will only reach a deeper level of understanding in any field after we grapple with the ugly issues and more fully understand their realities. That takes courage and perseverence.
- Self-Improvement and Maturity
“Rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning” Proverbs 9:8-9.
We grow when we face failures and limitations. It’s easy to hide from our mistakes or catch the next train out of town. Then we never grow past our insecurities or learn to push past our failures. True growth and love happens in the face of hardships, not despite them.
It’s much more difficult to focus down into the details. What did I do wrong? How can I own my mistakes instead of blame others? Is pride keeping me from receiving forgiveness? What methodical solutions and new habits can I develop for future improvement? This is tedious work, but it’s how a golf swing is improved and how customer service is enhanced.
- Draft Horses Pull More Weight Together
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” Ecclesiastes 4:12.
An average horse can pull 8,000 lbs on a weighted sled. When two pull the sled together they can pull close to 24,000 lbs. That’s the power of collaboration and synergy. God made marriage that way. God intended for churches and small groups to be that way; to support one another in living for Jesus and building his kingdom. Commitment creates the certainty and strength that we are doing this together.
- Steering a River Instead of the River Steering You
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” Romans 12:2.
Culture is powerful. It is simply a group habit or mindset; it’s a pattern. Three employees in the habit of taking their 15 minute smoke break together can create an entire 15 minute culture in your organization. A family that spends Friday nights playing games together creates a family culture.
Cultures are usually like gardens. They take a lot of weeding to eliminate bad habits, and investment to fertilize good habits. But the power of culture is that the collective momentum flowing in the same direction can really shape groups and populations. Great churches and small groups create cultures of life. They encourage godly habits and godly values instead of negativity or accusation. If you’re constantly changing churches or looking for the next big thing you rarely get to change the culture or shift the direction of the stream you’re swimming.
- More Deeply Connected
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” Romans 12:10.
The more continuity we have with people, the more we learn who they are over time and in diverse circumstances. This knowledge deepens our empathy and ability to play to their strengths. Like Aspen trees whose roots interlock under the surface, the longer we truly know people, the more deeply we can live in union with them. We grow to depend on one another’s strengths and compensate for one another’s weaknesses.
Final Thoughts
I’m not suggesting that if you have to relocate your family, or change career tracks, or end an unhealthy relationship that you are taking the cheap way out. I’m not suggesting that change or exploration are bad things. I’m suggesting that using these as defaults to escape the painful emotions of commitment comes with significant side effects.
My encouragement is to persevere through hard things. Success can be measured in increments. Don’t run from difficulties. Don’t be tempted to jump over to another field where it’s easier plowing. Pushing through difficulties and learning to value commitment has a more satisfying impact on ourselves and others. Relationships built on commitment will experience the same hardships as others, but they will heal stronger with deeper levels of understanding and empathy. Church communities that commit to working through difficulties can become safe spaces for authenticity instead of disaster zones of insecure emotions. Healthy cultures take time to develop, but that is exactly what we are called to do.
Tags: culture, strengths, time, commitment, failure, union, maturity, process, improvement, collaboration
